Oh.
It is the year 1670.
Yep, I know what you're going to say.
"1670? I could've sworn 1668 was just yesterday."
Time flies, right?
You know the saying,
"Have a portrait done wearing clothes for the job you want,
not the job you have."
My name is Jan Paweł Adamczewski,
and my great ambition in life is to be the most famous Jan Paweł
in the history of Poland.
I'm lucky to have been born into nobility here in Poland,
which is the most powerful country in the world.
The weather is quite good here...
from June to September.
- Well, mid-September. - Hey, watch out!
We, Sarmatians, are the chosen people.
Thanks to the Almighty's indisputable will,
we were bestowed with the greatest minds, hearts,
and phalluses.
That's why I try to be grateful for what I've got.
Because, somewhere in the world, children are starving.
Oh, right here, for example. The children of peasants.
Marek, Józia.
Darek.
Poor, starving little kiddos.
Oh, right.
It's dinner time.
I have two sons.
My eldest will eventually inherit my estate.
But, at the moment, we're having a few parenting issues.
More than anything, I really dig good tunes.
The guys and I started a band.
We've only just started up, but I think we're gonna be huge.
We play...
...with an edge, straight from the heart, and about things that surround us.
Stanisław!
What are you doing, Stanisław?
Stop making such a racket.
That's the sound of the future, Dad. It's post-Baroque.
Not in my barn it isn't.
But, Dad, this shit is badass Cossack.
Don't start with that.
Have you forgotten what badass Cossacks did to Grandpa?
My second son, Jakub, is the pride of the family.
He's already climbing the corporate ladder.
Listen, I've told you this already,
and I don't wanna hear any excuses about it again.
I want absolute prosperity for Poland.
- I expect you to provide absolutely... - Who are you talking to?
Dad, can't you see that I'm praying here?
Don't forget about prosperity for Poland.
Almighty, let's get back to it.
I chose the Church because I've always wanted a good job
on a dynamic and evolving team...
TO JAKUB... POPE CLEMENT IX
...in a fiscally stable organization with a strong market presence.
And I felt the calling. I mean, obviously.
Do I have a motto for my life?
"Beholdest thou the mote in thy brother's eye?"
"Look them in their other eye, and maybe you'll find another mote."
"It could come in handy for some blackmail."
I also have a daughter. Aniela.
She's just the apple of my eye.
What are you doing?
Brushing my teeth?
Teenagers. Who can keep up?
You know, we're way past the time
when a woman's worth depended on just any man just liking her.
DARK BOX INVERTED IMAGE
IMAGE VIEWER SPINNING WHEEL / REWINDER
CART FOR A LEGLESS CAT
Today's woman should be sophisticated and smooth-talking,
so that the son of a magnate will want her.
Such an inspiring time to be a woman.
Dad is sweet, but, mentally, he's kind of stuck in the Middle Ages.
And that's my family for ya.
Oh, right. There's also my wife.
Zofia.
She's not exactly what you'd call the life of the party.
She's more like the lost soul of a dead person...
...endlessly tormenting you from the grave.
Ave María, grátia plena. Dóminus tecum.
Benedícta tu in muliéribus,
et benedíctus fructus ventris tui, Iesus.
Sancta María, Mater Dei...
Hey, back off!
Longevity in a relationship is guaranteed by having shared passions.
Ours is the shared hatred of our neighbor, Andrzej.
See you at the assembly tomorrow.
Assembly?
What an idiot.
When it comes to our neighbors, we Poles aren't too lucky.
Prussia, Russia... Andrzej.
He's a landowner just like me.
Adamczycha Village belongs to both of us, one half each.
Andrzej has the bigger half.
Andrzej is also disabled. He has only daughters
and he desperately wants to marry one off to a magnate's son.
But we will marry off our daughter to a magnate's son.
Or I'm not the most famous Jan Paweł in Poland's history.
Swedes, eh?
Swedes what?
Well, they came here and caused trouble.
Dad, you know I'm not super into history.
Son, it was only ten years ago.
You've got to get more involved in your role here.
You've got to encourage the peasants with love. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!
I didn't get a free ride, you know.
I inherited all this myself.
Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!
Chop, chop, chop, chop!
Oh. I can't begin to tell you how much time I spent using one of these,
plowing fields, just mowing down hectares of land with it.
Excuse me, my lord, but those are our new blacksmithing tools.
Hm. Stanisław, did you hear him?
They're using this for blacksmithing nowadays.
Back in my day, we'd plow through hectares with it,
and no one would complain.
And if the need arose, we'd repel Tatars with it,
and what a time that was.
Who are you, by the way?
I brought you a letter several days ago, my lord.
A FEW DAYS AGO
A letter for our lord.
It was about the assembly tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Why don't you read it, Regina.
Uh... Mm.
It's just that...
I can't read, my lord.
LORD JAN PAWEŁ ADAMCZEWSKI
Watch and learn, then, my beloved peasants.
"M... M..."
"M... My...
dear... dear..."
"M... My dear b... bro...
b... brother..."
"My dear brother."
"On... the... the..."
Uh, "On the... s... sixth d... d..."
Ah, "The sixth day."
"On the sixth day of Mar...
Mar...
Mar... Mar...", hmm.
Okay. None of you know this word anyway, so I'll read it in my head.
So, "On the sixth day of...", uh, the word none of you know...
The word that Regina and I didn't know was "March."
March?
The month.
Oh, that's right.
Right.
February, March, May.
Yeah, the months.
Yeah, I know them. Yeah.
- So what do they call you? - My name is Maciej.
I'm from Lithuania.
I came here to Adamczycha
as part of a peasant exchange program, called Erasmus.
I could've gone over to France,
but my family convinced me that Poland was a powerful place.
- I'm the blacksmith's new helper. - Oh, so cool.
Hey, better get back there and help the blacksmith with his...
With his blacksmithing.
- I'll do my best to help him, my lord. - Wonderful. You are the man.
Oh, that's just some slang. Obviously, he's my man.
He's my peasant.
"...term..."
"...termitorial..."
May we please leave? We've got so much work to do, still.
Relax. It's not like it's a whole novel.
"...ass... ass... assembly."
Maciej, go tell them the horses need feeding.
Chop, chop. Chop, chop, chop.
Chop, chop.
Chop, chop. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!
Hey. Hey, you.
- The horses need to be fed. Can you do it? - In a minute, when I'm done here.
You should probably do it now. The poor things look pretty hungry.
- Anielka! - Chop.
How many times have I told you? Nobles don't work.
Chop, chop.
I should get to it. They do look hungry.
ASSEMBLY
I summoned you both because we must urgently confer.
Jakub, I asked you to come because you're exceptionally smart and astute.
And you, Stanisław...
are Stanisław.
I'll always be here to help you, Father.
Thank you, Father.
Father, you know I asked you not to call me "Father."
And why are there women present at this meeting?
Because, you idiot, your meeting's in the living room.
By the way, you're supposed to call me "Father."
- Gross! - This is no time to fight.
I deciphered the... the encrypted message from this letter.
I've been asked to the territorial assembly tomorrow.
Ooh. With our fellow noblemen.
Yeah.
But, sadly, some of our fellow noblemen are real assholes.
Especially that dipshit Andrzej.
He's been scheming to raise our taxes again.
- How much are you paying now? - Three percent!
And now, he wants us all to pay five!
The man's peasants work hard to bring him prosperity,
so that means we should rob him? People are so greedy.
It's not surprising. The Kingdom's treasury must be empty,
with the wars and the Swedes plundering...
Fuck the Swedes!
- Marianna. - What?
You've got to help me write a speech for tomorrow.
I know a way to win the debate.
We shall go to the woods, gather handfuls of dry branches,
and flog ourselves the whole night to placate our Maker.
Sure, yeah.
Let's put a pin in that, so we don't forget,
and then continue the meeting.
Tomorrow's assembly? I feel confident.
We've been practicing some traditional Polish rhetorical arguments.
- I wasn't interrupting. - Louder!
- I wasn't interrupting you. - Look me right in the eyes! Come on!
I wasn't interrupting you!
Left. Left.
In formation.
Even out the columns there.
Left flank. Left!
I said left!
That's right. Good.
- I'll watch over the horse. - There's no need.
You stupid buffoon. Have you got any idea who you're dealing with?
My name is Bogdan.
I'm a sixth-generation pure-blooded nobleman.
With no land, temporarily. The last few battles didn't go as I'd expected.
I've been part of some of the most notorious defeats
in the history of our army.
In the past decade alone,
seven times I begged my enemies for mercy.
Six times I pretended to be dead.
They'll write songs about me.
I'll be famous someday.
Hello, horsey!
Quo vadis?
Hey, don't walk away from me.
Oh.
Bogdan?
Zofia?
- Long lost sister! - I thought you were dead.
Well, this must be welcomed news.
What news is that?
That I'm alive.
Ah. Right.
This is a great spot for you to live your best Adamczycha life.
It's spacious and good for meetings,
and there are no cattle in this particular area here.
It's an ideal place for a wandering Sarmatian.
And if you want privacy, we can add a dividing wall.
No, no, no.
It's perfect just like this.
An open-concept studio.
Yeah.
Right here will be where I'll relax and unwind.
Mm-hmm.
And over here...
I can start planning out all my next wars.
Wonderful. When working from home,
it's good to separate your work and life spaces.
Oh, right. the exchange peasant from Lithuania lives in the forge as well...
which means you're going to be roommates.
Just remember this, you brute.
Lithuania is here,
and Poland is here.
So let's stick to our borders.
But what about the idea of "Two Nations," my lord?
Poland is for the Polish...
...not Lithuanians.
Out there might be the "Commonwealth of Two Nations,"
but, in here, we're gonna treat it like two nations that are separate.
- You got that? - Mm-hmm.
TO ADDRESSEE ONLY
My lady. Please, let me do that.
No, no. We're gonna prove our brothers wrong,
and show them that feminism doesn't stop when you have to move something heavy.
Father ordered it without paying for a delivery option.
Ah, parents. It's always something with them.
- What? - This guy's a riot.
I wanted to apologize to you for that thing with the horses.
Take a break.
You wanted me to feed them because they were hungry.
Scandalous.
Relax. I didn't know who you were either, and I still don't.
So?
Maciej, my lady. I'm the blacksmith's new helper.
I'd shake your hand, but I can't right now.
My lady, you'd shake hands with a peasant?
Hey, Regina.
Regina, you're also a peasant, and we hang out all the time.
Okay, let's put it down.
There.
Let's get back to our shacks.
You seem like someone I could talk to.
I wish I could bathe.
Welcome to Adamczycha.
Oof. That was so heavy. I think I pulled something.
You can definitely count on me,
if you don't need something heavy to be moved again.
The Lord watches over us.
- That'll be a hit at the assembly. - Mm-hmm.
- And you? What's your name? - My name's Maciej.
I came from Lithuania.
Load that onto my carriage.
Ha!
- I know it'll bounce around. - You got it?
I just gotta wrap it around here.
- Gotta fix it. - It's loose.
You fix it.
You said you could fix it, smart-ass.
Maciej seems really nice and clever.
As far as women's rights go here in Adamczycha,
I've been trying to initiate a discussion... Seriously?
Are women only valuable or interesting when they're talking about men?
If I show a bit of skin, will you listen?
Wake up, people. This is the 17th century!
- Get out of my inn! - I'm not drunk.
That's preposterous!
- No more drinking for you tonight. - I'll drink to this.
Come on, just one more round.
You can't stop me.
Wake up!
What did I do?
Come on, just one more.
Get out of here!
ASSEMBLY DAY
Fine, be like that.
Assembly. A feast of democracy. The day where everyone can vote.
Except for the peasants. They're not allowed to.
I often tell my peasants,
"You don't get to vote, so you don't get to complain either."
Hey, driver! Have you been drinking, or what?
Yes, of course, my lord.
I'm not convinced you have been. You seem a bit nervous today.
I don't do those cheap ride shares. They're too scary.
Hello, my brothers!
In order to win the debate, I need to knock this out of the park.
The key lies not only in what I say, but also how I look.
And what's every man's most prestigious accessory?
His most luxurious calling card?
His watch.
This compact, portable accessory is a must
for any important business meeting.
It's a discrete way of saying,
"Yes, I'm someone to be taken seriously."
Andrzej.
Jan Paweł.
- Why did you bring that huge clock? - It's half past one.
- What? - You asked me what time it was.
No, I didn't. I asked why you brought...
It's from the Netherlands.
And let me tell you, these things are not cheap.
- Jan Paweł... - A thousand ducats.
If you really must know.
My brothers.
So good to see you.
Therefore, if we want our Commonwealth to overcome this crisis,
we must start making sacrifices.
Brothers, I'm appealing to you now
to vote in favor of obliging our General to support and uphold our decision
to modestly, but effectively, raise taxes.
Because, as Cicero said,
"The highest form of law is the welfare of the people."
Thanks.
Cicero also said,
"If Polish people raise their own taxes, their downfall will be immediate."
No, that is absurd.
Cicero was alive long before the existence of Poland.
Yet, those are his words.
I'm very confident that Cicero never mentioned Poland.
Huh. Well, excuse me.
If your Cicero never cared about Poland, why should we even listen to his advice?
Good point.
Cicero's words of wisdom can be applied in this...
Cicero also said...
"Andrzej is a stuck-up buffoon."
Sorry. Those aren't my words. Those are Cicero's.
Enough, brothers. Enough.
That's enough.
All right. Let's have some order, please.
Does anyone here have any questions for Andrzej?
Yeah.
One question.
How much did you spend on your clock?
- What clock? - Thank you, no further questions.
Let us proceed with the voting.
All those in favor of raising taxes for the nobility?
Nineteen.
And all those against it?
Just one.
Nineteen are in favor, and one is opposed.
Liberum veto.
The motion is denied.
My solid arguments convinced my brothers.
Each vote ended up as a victory for me.
Boom! Boom!
At one point, I even felt sorry for Andrzej.
Sure, he may have excelled in the debate,
but who had the last word?
Certainly not Cicero.
Mmm.
Brothers, today's vote did not go well for us, that's true.
But the almost unanimous decision you made gives me hope that our Commonwealth...
Why the long faces?
Andrzej, are you doing, reading them dirges? Give us all a break!
Jan Paweł, this wasn't your finest hour. We all wanted...
One person was against it, so that's the end of it.
We're democratic here.
Okay, what time is it?
The night is young.
Let's go to the inn.
I've got money burning a hole in my pocket that was supposed to be for the taxes.
Drinks on me, come on!
My lords!
I love the nobility. We might argue, and we might bicker,
but, ultimately, we make a pretty good team.
Birds of a feather will enjoy a clock together.
That was a good one!
I'm gonna use that one from now on.
And now, this Tatar here fires!
Then the cavalry comes in from the left.
Victory!
Huh.
A serf's life is full of hardship,
suffering,
and various nuisances.
But you can still survive.
You can almost even enjoy it,
as long as you can remember the words of wisdom our mothers whispered
into our ears every night before bed.
"Never expect anything, nor desire anything."
Peasants! I have wonderful news!
Come gather outside the manor!
Off I go,
but I have no expectations about this meeting, hm?
That's how you do it.
Come on. Come on.
Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop.
Closer. Closer.
I have exciting news for you. Guess what it is.
Potatoes?
Since when is a potato exciting news, Bogdan?
Are we finally going to be paid for our serfdom?
Go to confession and repent for that idea.
Okay, I'll just tell you, since you're bad at guessing.
I was vicatvious... Victorious at the assembly.
I will not be paying higher taxes.
Yes, whatever your name is.
Does it mean that we're gonna work less, my lord?
Oh, no, no, no, no. It doesn't really concern you.
It's the beginning of my new political career.
So how is this actually good news for us, then, your lordship?
Well, someday, you might be able to brag about knowing the king of Poland
before he was famous.
And then, we're all gonna work a bit less, right?
I wasn't interrupting you!
Ha! Sick burn.
Hm.
- What the hell was that? - Just a lot of hot air.
Come on, Jurek. Let's go to bed.
- Can you believe that? - Hey, Maciej.
Hey.
Just remember, the key to a peaceful life is to have no desires.
Because for a peasant, desires mean trouble.
There.
The clock is finished.
Subtitle translation by Maja Konkolewska.